Manly Wharf, Australia: There are times in life when you need to do something that terrifies you. And by need, I don't mean that someone's pressuring you to do it or that there's some sort of checklist of things you are supposed to do, but you really feel that you NEED to do it. For no one else but yourself.
I have a fear of water. I had a bad experience as a child when trying to take swimming lessons (note: never take a 9 year old to a class with 5 year olds and a teacher who believes the best way to teach you is to merely dunk you in the middle of the pool until you "just do it"). Though I've attempted to learn as an adult, I still have the fear of the suffocating liquid. I love the feel of sand in my toes and a moon hanging low over crashing waves, but to actually be surrounded by water where my feet don't touch the ground... not so much.
I once had the opportunity to go parasailing in St. John. I was totally fearful of the idea of being above this massive amount of water, held up by a parachute, hoping that I wouldn't fall in and end my short life in such a dumb way (a chick that couldn't swim went flying over water?!). But it was also the other fears in my life that made me stay on the boat that day -- my lack of confidence in myself, my lack of trust in my partner, my lack of faith in God.
I've been thinking lately about flying (probably since I'm in the midst of doing a lot of it). The amount of trust that goes into it is enormous and yet, we all sort of take it for granted as merely another mode of transportation. But somehow, each time I get ready to get on a plane, I make a choice (even if I'm not doing it consciously) to put my fate in the hands of a greater power than I and to believe that I will be safe and whatever is supposed to happen has already been planned out.
I think flying also represents taking risks, jumping off the edge with fingers crossed & a quick prayer: "God, please don't let me F*%! this up too bad!" It's moving onward and upward, trying to figure out how to continually grow and be better each day... even if you're scared as hell and can't swim.
I got a message the other day telling me it was time to put part of that fear and pain from the past behind me. That NEED to do something for myself, to prove that I'm still here and still growing and still healing and still making mistakes... but that I can't let certain fears rule me anymore.
So, with my good friend, Sam, by my side... I went PARASAILING!
