Raleigh, NC: I love my job. I love the stability and the responsibilities. I love the people and the accomplished feeling of doing a job well done. I also love the schedule, which allows me to take time for personal travel… so long as I am able to get my work done via wireless magic.
However, I suffer from former-job-envy. The idea of “the grass is always greener” sometimes makes me second-guess my career decisions. And it’s not one particular artist, but pretty much all of them when I visit post-employment.
Whenever I've left a tour, it was always to advance to the next level. So far,
knock on wood, I've ended my time with each artist on a positive note; he or she understanding the need for to move onwards and upwards. Even though I am grateful for the experiences and opportunities that have come my way, I'm still never 100% ready to say goodbye to the current employer when the time comes.
I had my niche carved out on
one tour, but wanted to travel internationally. That tour couldn't provide that itinerary, so I moved onto
another tour which could... and I went all around the world! But I was in the #2 slot and have always wanted to be in the #1 slot, so I left one of my top favorite musicians to be in the big chair with
a new tour that I would grow to love and respect. However, when the
current tour came up, it was an offer I couldn't refuse. I am now able to not only have a huge name / level of experience on my resume, but I also have the freedom to visit friends from past tours during my downtime.
But when I’m around these former loves, I remember how much fun it was or recall how amazing the music is. I romanticize about the job I used to have. I push the bad stuff to the back of my mind. I wonder if I left too soon. People – who at one point I shared 24 hours / 7 days a week with – are excited to see me, but visiting is sometimes like looking at a family portrait that you swear you were once in, but you squint and search to realize your face is no longer there.
During
a midweek former-employer-show, the song “Stop This Train” was introduced as an example of the “ongoing struggle with the passage of time.” I realized THAT was my true inward battle. Not so much the idea of wanting to be in a different position than I am in right now or even be back to where I was before, but more that I’m never really ready for life to take me to where I need to be next. I want to freeze moments in time and live out of that one particular feeling. I want to bottle the giddy excitement of being in that certain place at that certain time and sip from it on a daily basis.
My challenge, in times like these, is to enjoy the people of the past, but drop the envy of the ‘what might have been.’ Whether we like it or not, time does move on and hopefully takes us to exactly where we need to be… even if we miss the life we used to lead.
