musings from the road: Tea with Ryan Adams

One of my favorite ones to peruse is Ryan Adams' blog, FOGGY. I've been a fan of RA's for a few years now and get excited when he releases new music because I can already predict there are going to be songs of torment and lost love and the universal search for the meaning of it all. He, like most songwriters, can tell MY story through their words. And the music is just really good too.

But his blog... he blogs A LOT. As in, I didn't check it for 4 days and there were 179 new posts! Lots of them are single pictures of himself, his socks, his bookshelves. Then there are some ramblings about his new songs, his silly antics, his random dreams. But the good ones are when he gets deep, when you feel the room getting darker, when you wonder who it was that really broke his heart... and can he ever be whole again.

An excerpt:

"34 years old. A grown man. And I don’t know a thing about myself or love or meaning anymore than I did when I held it in my hand watching it slowly dissolve like cubes ina glass of lava."

Ouch.

"I think I am learning a lot about being okay with just being me lately. I got weird for a second, and shy, and dark, but sometimes singing about that stuff and also how i choose to sort of slip into the character of where I was at the time, I think it makes me a little heavy."

On a personal note, Ryan Adams is the typical guy I'm attracted too -- a musician (a curse for me, really) who you think it's your job to save or at least help guide them through their internal battles; quirky and seemingly clumsy, though you witness their confidence and power as soon as they step on stage; and someone who possesses all the differences in the world possible from you, but you're hoping and praying that their underlined basis to which they function comes from respect and a willingness to learn about YOUR thoughts. I've gotten close to that ideal in the past, but it usually takes a turn for the worst when the confidence turns into cockiness and the only one to save is ME by finding a way out of a one-sided relationship.

However, Ryan Adams gives me hope. He can no longer attribute his amazing lyrics to his drug and alcohol use (or abuse, as it were) because he is now sober. He is talking about writing a book, which, to me, is always inspiring when someone known for one thing (ie. Ryan Adams, musician) branches out to another medium (ie. Ryan Adams, author) - even though it may be an uncomfortable step . Oh, and he dated Mandy Moore. You know, pop princess and actress in 'cute' movies like Saved? They seem so different. But I remember my best friend telling me once (when hot tattooed drummer boy on my first tour was hitting on me), "bad boys always go for the good girls." Yeah, that gives me real hope.

Of course, I'm guessing RA is mildly crazy. Neurotic at best. I'm not one to guess what a celebrity is really life based on what you hear from the media or even those so-and-so's in your life that had met him once at a party and he acted like an ass. However, with a blog, the author is putting him/herself out there. Not that even that's the total truth. I'm sure there are many things I've read (or possibly written?) that may have been focused on how GREAT things are instead of how REAL things are. "Everything is super!" sounds a lot better than "I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore" (thank you, Dido). But Ryan seems pretty open and vulnerable in his blogging, and, of course, his music. Which means I can tell he is brilliant and struggling and thriving... and crazy.

Anyway, my point... what was my point again? Oh right. Ryan Adams. Blogging. Drinking Tea. No point, really. That is one of the beauty of blogging. You really don't have to have a point and you can still feel like you've made some sort of impact on the world... or at least your corner of the world wide web. I actually have two other blogs in the works, both with a bit more substance, but I didn't feel like I could finish them without starting my day with a little tea with Ryan Adams.