Nashville, TN: As predicted, the 5th and final week of the study and discussion of Find Your Way Home: Words From The Street, Wisdom From The Heart was the most powerful one… for me, at least. Not only was I able to attend the gathering (even though I had to actually take a flight home after my last show in Baltimore to make it on time), but Becca also invited me to read one of the 24 principles from the book and share my story with the Adult Sunday School attendees.
Which also means I would share it with everyone, via the podcast. Yipes.
The beauty of this book, this class and this opportunity is that it has energized me. I found myself pouring over the book, choosing a principle that felt like it was written just for me. I spent hours reflecting on my life and noting the choices I’ve made in the past that have led me to this exact moment in time. I don’t think I’ve been THIS engrossed in something besides my career.... or maybe my love of boy bands... but I digress….
Though I actually enjoying being the center of attention (shocker, I know), I was really NERVOUS about my talk. I know it’s my life so it can’t be wrong, per se, but I have a tendency to be part Pollyanna when it comes to the big finale of the story. I didn’t want give people the wrong impression of my life (“once I was lost, but now I’m found”), but I also wanted to get a point across… but needed to figure out WHAT that point was. Oh, and I wanted to make them laugh. I figure if they are laughing WITH me, it will save the fear of them laughing AT me.
The good news is that there were 4 other women who were also sharing, so I wasn’t alone (though I seemed to be the only one with visibly shaking hands). Lisa, a school teacher, started us out and instead of choosing a principle, focused on the title, Find Your Way Home. Growing up in her church at home, she never felt good enough. There were people that 'got it" and another group of people that "surely missed the mark." She says that at St. As, "the community IS different but are marked, not by their difference, but by their common ground."
Tonya, who is a member of the Magdalene community, read #19: "Live in Gratitude." She said that "gratitude is healing through my mistakes that I made in life." Even though she grew up with morals, values & respect, she just didn't get it. On Sunday mornings, she used to hate going to church because she didn't see the purpose. But through all of her struggles (going on 3 years clean), when she seems someone outside of her family extending their love, it's an "eye opener" for her and she is grateful for the victories she's won.
And then there was me... but I'll come back to that.
After me came Katie, 9 months clean on Thanksgiving Day! She chose #13: "Laugh At Yourself," which is perfect, because since I've known her, I always see her laugh. It's hard to imagine that when she was using drugs, she didn't want to be in public places and didn't allow anyone to see her face. Now that she's clean, she likes coming out and is glad she can laugh at herself instead of beat herself up like she was used to doing for so long.
Luisa wrapped it up and talked off the cuff, which she is not used to doing. She spoke about how she came from a deeply routed religious background but had changed some of the programming and shifted her mindset about how she was going to approach life. She had a feeling that God wanted her to get outside of the lines that are drawn (either by ourselves or others) and brought her to a community where she could stop apologizing and worrying what other people thin. She read a piece one of the women had wrote from principle #7: "Make A Small Change and See A Big Difference," which turned out to be a piece written by Becca. Of course, without knowing it, Luisa had tied up the 5 week class in a perfect bow with the full-circle conclusion that "you can't tell who is who and what is happening in the book, but to know that we're all looking for the same things in the world as we're walking through it."
Ok, back to me. Funny, I can re-listen to the podcast and take notes and give you the CliffNotes version of the lovely stories all women (and a man!) have shared. However, when it comes to me, it's hard to be objective and not nitpick everything little thing I didn't like (though, luckily, my voice didn't quite have the shaky goat quality that I SWEAR I thought it would sound like). So, instead of running through the bullet points of my 6 minute talk on what brought me here, how the book relates to and brought me to community and where I see the journey taking me, I'll let you listen for yourself (gulp), HERE, if you want.
Shaky hands again....
But in case you don't get a chance to check it out, I will leave you with the principle I chose which, honestly, could not have been written any better for me in my life right now.
Principle #6:
Take The Longer Path
There is no shortcut on the spiritual path. The journey to wholeness is lifelong.
We walk the path slowly and remind one another that love is waiting for us when we are able to receive it.
The journey is slow and miraculous; and our job is to just keep going, respecting love's power.
