musings from the road: The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

But, it's made me t h i n k and THAT is one of the beauties of blogging. Even if you don't get something actually written in the time frame you had hoped to, it forces you to take a moment and look at what's around you.

I've been reflecting on the season of Advent itself. As a kid, I understood Advent to a chunk of time before Christmas that you had to get to before you got to the big day to get your presents. At church, I always liked the decorative pink and purple candles surrounding the wreath on the alter (mainly because purple was my favorite color). And I remember it being similar to Lent, except you didn’t have to give anything up or fast… it was a more “up” holiday because we were waiting for a birth instead of a death.

As a grown-up (ish), I am far too familiar with the activity of waiting. The hurry-up-and-wait game is one of my least favorites to join in, yet I always seem to be a star player in it, whether or not I want to. For some reason it seems the more impatient I get, the longer I have to wait. Like some trick someone is pulling on me, trying to teach me a lesson, but it really just makes me even more impatient.

I have been more worried lately about what happens if the thing you're waiting for, even patiently (if it's possible), simply doesn't show up. Like if you had made plans to eat at a really nice restaurant and you didn't snack all day just to have this amazing meal at 8pm and you show up to the place and it's closed? Or what if you find out you can't have kids after you've waited your whole life to begin a family? (Author's note: NO clocks ticking, I just spent the afternoon with my cousin and her twin babies and it made for a good reference.)

However, as I prepare to go to our traditional midnight mass (though at a new church this year... I guess nothing stays the same but change), I think about the story of the first Christmas and the waiting game the folks of those day had to play. Just think: so, you're promised that someone is going to come down and rescue you (and the entire human race) from oppression and fear and war, yet you don't know who it will be or when it's coming. So you wait and wait and wait, then one day, you're told that this person -- just a regular old guy -- is actually here and is going to save the world... but he is actually a 8 lb. 6 oz. baby! Oh, and he was born to some random couple (who aren't even married!) and he lives in some small & unimportant town.

I think about how long they waited. Had they almost given up? Did they believe that it was actually in the cards for them? And I think about when it actually DID happen, did they get it? Did they know that this was a big deal? Could they recognize greatness even though it did not come in the package they were hoping for / expecting?

I feel like I'm constantly waiting. Waiting for happiness. Waiting for wholeness. Waiting for love. But when I get it, what will it look like? What sort of package will it come in? And, my more pressing question is not WHEN I get it but WILL I get it.... ever? I'm sure there's some sort of greater plan for me in life, but what or who does that include? When will it happen? How long will I have to wait?

"Waiting is a key component of faith. Waiting effectively, continuing to anticipate future joy throughout years or even whole lifetimes or generations of often joyless struggle, might be seen as synonymous with great faith."

Oy vey.

However, it's right. I think George Michael said it up best when he said, "'cause I gotta have faith-a-faith-a-faith." What else can I do except have faith that this waiting WILL pay off? I feel like if I know FOR SURE I will obtain all the desires of my heart, I would be more patient with this whole in-between time. However, there is no way of guaranteeing that is going to happen -- or how it is going to look like when/if it does happen -- which is when all the faith stuff comes in.

In the meantime, I need to continue filling up my life with good things... in the meantime. There are books written about it, songs sung about it and I found this almost-to-close-to-home article penned about it (with "eight suggestions for flourishing in The Meantime"). I do think it's pretty ironic that this period is literally called a MEAN time. Don't you think it's pretty mean to have to go through unnerving, unreliable, unsettling feelings before you get to the pie in the sky prize.... whatever that may be?

"Active waiting requires the kind of patience that tolerates short-term discomforts (such as temptations to do something else more immediately rewarding) in order to gain longer-term rewards."

Maybe this season of my life is a mere advent to what is to come. Maybe the point is actively waiting and truly preparing my life for what comes my way next. Maybe if I can just get through those "short-term discomforts," I'll begin to find the longer-term rewards.