Nashville, TN: At the end of last year, I returned to Thistle Farms after being gone for a couple of months. One of my favorites in the program, Tasha, came up to me and after giving me a big hug, pulled back and said, "Girl.... I've missed you! And just look at you... you look so happy!" And then, placing her hand on my hip, she said, "you've gotten thick!"
Now, to the world that Tasha came from, thick is actually good. When you're on the streets, you usually don't have the means to eat that much - and definitely not healthy - so there's a chance you could end up losing weight and looking sickly. If you get the chance to get off the streets (and hopefully into a loving program like Magdalene!), putting a little meat on your bones is actually a sign of being healthy.... and happy.
Tasha was right -- I WAS happy. I had just spent time traveling in the UK, had been working with two artists I respected (and who respected me!) and, most importantly, found love again. But, still, in my world, thick is NOT a term I am comfortable with being described as. So, at that point, I decided to do something about it. And by that point, I mean after the first of the year so I could enjoy my New Year's Day party.
A few years back, I had hired a trainer and started focusing on getting into a "healthy lifestyle." She taught me how to eat well (who knew I could actually enjoy vegetables?) and I started exercising almost daily. Because I changed everything I was doing, my body went into high gear and I lost around 15-20 pounds. I'm wasn't too focused on the numbers themselves because my attention was on the fact that I went from a size 12 to a 4. (Holy huge new wardrobe purchases, batman!)
*NOTE: the jean-on-jean outfit and "Mrs. Timberlake" pink wife beater shown in the attached photograph was worn with a sense of irony.
But, like anything, if you don't use it, you lose it. Slowly but surely, I gained a pound or two here or there and over the years (six years ago... unbelievable), the size 4 jeans were tucked neatly away in the back of my closet and the size 6 jeans were holding on just a little too tight.
So, with a jump start from Tasha's well-intentioned but slightly embarrassing word, I renewed my membership to the Y, hired yet another trainer and enlisted a nutritionist, S-J. It's not that I don't know what to eat, but there's just only so many scrambled egg whites and protein shakes I can eat every day (per my last trainer). I needed to find a way to incorporate food that I actually enjoy so I would stick with it.
During my initial consultation, S-J had me stand on a digital scale that measures not only your weight but also your BMI (how much you should weigh based on how tall you are) by sending a "small, unnoticeable electric shock through your body." (Something I wish I would have known about BEFORE I stepped on the scale... but luckily, I am not wearing a pacemaker.)
With a deep breath I looked at the scale to see.... xxx pounds (remember, numbers aren't important!). But more importantly, my BMI was 25.3%. Which means I was technically OVERWEIGHT.
That was enough to make me run to and on the treadmill and by my next appointment two weeks later, I had dropped down to 24.4%, which means I'm back to being "normal" (and, in this case, it's so good to be normal....).
Over the weeks, I'm learning that I can eat pretty much whatever I want, as long as I use portion control and am consciously paying attention to what I'm putting into my body. She wants me to keep a written food journal of everything I eat, but I've discovered that with my schedule, it's nearly impossible to write down what I'm eating while I'm eating it (or after, for that matter). So, S-J suggested I start taking pics of the food I'm eating (with my iPhone that is always on my person), then I can write it down later when I have time. It's a brilliant concept and I laugh to see more photos of food in my camera roll than anything else.
As mentioned in a previous blog, I'm also hoping that my break from booze will contribute to a few more shed pounds. I'm also inspired by my good friend, Sheri, who has lost 62 pounds (as of the end of January) and is blogging about the good, bad & ugly of all of it.
The best part of all of this is that I'm doing it because I want to feel good about my body. The boy loves me just the way I am (God bless him) and, truthfully, no one really cares except me. I just hope that the next time the word "thick" is used around me, it's to talk about the artist and not my waist line.
And on that note (literally!), it's off to the gym!
