musings from the road: Illusions Of Bliss

Then again, maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

Any way you look at it, I feel like the cancellation of Lilith Fair in Nashville is somehow directly tied to me. (A bit presumptuous, I know, but please hear me out.)

Ever since the tour was announced, I have been felt a personal connection and excitement about it. Lilith Fair was the first tour I ever worked on. It made me believe I could do anything I wanted to in the music touring industry -- even as a woman in a male-dominated field. The energy was electric. The music was magical. The ride was riveting and I hated to see it end.

But, suddenly, it was back. And even better than having it back was that it was going to tie in with a local women's charity in every city. So now I could combine both of my worlds. What joy! What bliss! I'm gonna make them a million from this! Ok, maybe not a million, but at least a few thousand and how GREAT would that be!

I solicited my friends. I tried to cause a buzz. At the end of the day, we got 74% of the vote. We were in. We just needed the founders' approval, but how could they not say yes?

So today when I got the news (via a call via a tweet -- another reason to loathe that form of technology), I realized my illusion of bliss was simply that: an illusion. I was flabbergasted. I was heartbroken. I was pissed.

Then the realization of WHY I was feeling so strongly about it hit me. It wasn't so much about missing out on a night of amazing female musicians. It wasn't all about helping raise money for an organization I love. It was about satisfying my own personal ego. I wanted to be the one who organized and rallied and pulled us up through the ranks. I wanted to be the one to go to the press conference and accept the check from Sarah. Hell - I already had the blog planned out in my head! This was about MY glory based on MY efforts.

I don't think God necessarily pulls out the rug from under us when we least expect it, but I also don't put it past Him to put me in my place. Maybe I should have focused my bliss on the real meaning of the campaign instead of looking at the accolades it could garner for me.

For now, I'll thank those who took the time to vote (thank you, sweet friends!), congratulate those who did win and do my best to enjoy this delicious piece of humble pie.