Grace, Eventually

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Nashville, TN:  The beauty of my blog is that it is mine. A place where I can write about my personal feelings and reflections on how I see the world. The downside to that is sometimes my insight won't jive with someone else's. And while I believe I would never deliberately attack someone, sometimes my honest feelings may be offensive to others. I suppose my other choice would to be to keep my thoughts to myself, but I've spent a big part of my life not speaking up and it's always bitten me back in a way only therapists benefit from.

This is a long disclaimer that leads to my latest edition of The Great Church Search. I've mentioned before that when I go to a new church, my experience has to do with not only the church and religious denomination itself, but also that certain Sunday's service and where I am in my own journey and where I want to be and - hell - even the weather that day. I always try to find the good in the experience as a whole, but I feel like overall my review needs to be authentic. And sometimes my honest view of an experience isn't the best.

This past Sunday, I simply didn't want to go to church. I was somewhat hungover and slightly emotional and hadn't taken the time to even research my next exploration. But I had invited my friend Kate to join me and didn't want to break that promise. Plus, part of this journey is simply doing it. I wasn't going to avoid a Sunday without a good reason. But when we entered Grace Community Church, I already knew this wasn't going to be the most positive experience for me.

Aesthetics:  Located in Brentwood, TN, this fairly new-ish building sits on the corner of Granny White Pike and Old Hickory Blvd. Windows behind the stage, facing lush trees, served as a picturesque backdrop to the pastor as he spoke.  Plush chairs offered comfort during this mostly-sitting service.

Greeting:  From the outside, the church doesn't seem all that big.  But as we walked in what we thought was the front of the building, we realized there were additions built onto the back of the church, creating a maze-like route to find the chapel. There were a ton of kids rooms (separated by ages) to navigate around, and when we finally made it to the chapel, people from the previous service were milling around what turned out to be the true main entrance. Though we were given a bulletin for the service, no one made a real attempt to greet us.

Community:  There were approximately 200 people in the church, all white, except for four Asian people that I spotted.  Most were young families with pockets of older folks sprinkled throughout.

Music:  The musicians had a look of a rock band (including a mandolin for the country sound and a fishbowl'ed drummer), but the music lacked any chutzpah. Perhaps I've just been spoiled by sax-playing priests and spirit-filled services.

Service:  The service, to me, felt similar to the music - nothing really captivating. It started with music, then announcements & greeting, then music, a scripture reading, more music, the sermon, a prayer, then final walkout music. I was mainly distracted by a note in the program that said "Parents - please be mindful of the digital displays beside the stage that will alert you when your child's pager number if you are needed." I couldn't help but wonder what #246 did wrong to pull his parents out of the service.

Message:  This is where I really struggled. I tried to hear where God was speaking directly to me, but it just wasn't happening. And not only was I not getting those seemingly straightforward messages that I've pulled from other services, the pastor also used the words "born again" (again and again), which was a big turn off. The term "born again"actually means a "spiritual rebirth," which is a lovely idea. But I've mostly only heard about it as it relates to over-the-top evangelicals and it was hard for me to get past my own connotations with the term.

Also, the pastor tried to explain having hope in Jesus Christ (the ONLY way to salvation, so it seems) using an example of the refugees in the Superdome post Hurricane Katrina. He said from the reports he heard: "'these people' had no hope and because they had no hope, they fended for themselves." And according to him, "if you don't have hope... in the Lord Jesus Christ for your salvation, you have to fend for yourself... and you can't love anybody." He offered this thought as a solution: "if somebody had gotten on the loudspeaker and said the National Guard is 15 minutes away and there's water and there's food an there's fresh cots and fresh socks, and everybody just chill out because it's on the way... they would have taken care of each other." From this example, it sounds to me like someone who just lost their home and all of their possessions and possible family members in a matter of hours might be able to "chill out more" in those uncertain days and weeks by relying on the National Guard more than Jesus. Plus, it's hard for me to hear about someone using an example of a national tragedy without knowing how they personally got involved to help out their "brothers & sisters."

Denomination:  Grace Community Church is part of the Southern Baptist Convention. It is the world's largest Baptist denomination and the second largest Christian body in the US, after the Catholic Church. According to their website, "Women participate equally with men in the priesthood of all believers. The role of pastor, however, is specifically reserved for men." They also stand for "a free church in a free state."

Overall:  I've wrestled with writing this review because I don't want to put down anyone's church home or scrutinize any denomination -- when it's literally based on one personal experience. I do believe this church is a home for many people and if they can find sanctuary within these walls, I commend them. The good news in my search is that I'm realizing it's just as important to discover what you're not looking for as it is to find what you are looking for.

Contact:
5711 Granny White Pike
Brentwood, TN 37027
www.gccnashville.org
Facebook page

Reflections on the Journey Thus Far: In the midst of my looking for the good in every situation, I started researching the word "grace." According to my sources, "In Christian theology, grace is God’s gift of God’s self to humankind." Of course, each denomination has a different definition of what that actually means (go figure). However, a more apt description came from writer Anne Lamott in her book, Grace (Eventually): Thoughts On Faith (which I promptly stole for this blog title): "I experience it as buoyancy, as a very strange sense of calm in the midst of tremendous anxiety and lostness. I often get my sense of humor back, or I just feel safe and in God's care." 

And then this morning at Thistle Farms, as I further avoided finishing this post, the morning meditation was on the 2nd principle of Find Your Way Home (a book written by the women of the Magdalene & Thistle Farms): Proclaim Original Grace. I heard these perfetly-timed words spoken by a former addict and prostitute, now living a clean life with the assistance of an organization who has helped bring grace to the forefront of women's lives: "We look at each person's journey beginning not with original sin but with original grace."

One More Thing:  I'm truly grateful for the continued conversations I have with friends whom I may not otherwise have explored this huge part of my life with. Kate and I spent the rest of the morning at the newly opened Edgehill Cafe - Lennox Village, where we discussed the frustrations of the unknown future and the struggles of knowing that sometimes simply doing your best is STILL not good enough. After ruminating a bit, I went searching for another piece of wisdom that Anne might have to offer, and found it fairly quickly:

"I wish grace and healing were more abracadabra kinds of things; also, that delicate silver bells would ring to announce grace’s arrival. But no, it’s clog and slog, and scotch, on the floor, in silence, in the dark.”

The best part?  I discovered it via an apropos blog called A Cup of Grace. Perhaps this particular Sunday was just what I needed to return to grace.  Eventually.

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