Just What I Needed

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Nashville, TN: The journey has been weary as of late. I went to a funeral of a five year old girl, born to a woman who survived a life of abuse and addiction; then changed her path and worked hard to be (and remain) clean when her daughter was born. There are no answers to the "why?," no clear way to see any good in the situation;  just an empty space left where a bubbly, giggly girl used to live.

Then there is self doubt. I am continuing to work on using my voice (shaky as it may be). But sometimes when the opposition is so loud, it's hard to stay on the path and self doubt and second guessing start to form a sandwich around the truth. Or at least what I feel in my gut that truth is. (See - second guessing a statement about second guessing!).

And then there are a myriad of other little things that join forces and jolt me awake at four in the morning. Even with the support I do receive and the relationships that feed me, I sometimes wonder if I am on this journey alone.

All this to say, this weekend, it caught up with me. I was tired and listless, yet I still had hope that perhaps I would find some sort of comfort in a community of faith.

I reached out to my friend Jordan and asked to join her at her weekend home, Church of the Reedemer. I had actually been there before, but not as a part of The Great Church Search. She happily obliged and I met her at 10:45am Sunday morning.

Aesthetics:  The modest building sits off the street in the midst of trees and freshly cut grass. You enter into a lobby / reception area, where people from the previous service mingle with those coming to the later. The sanctuary is simple, with padded chairs and moveable kneelers, if you felt moved to kneel.

Greeting: I walked into the reception area, scanning the room for my friend and decided to grab a seat while I waited. I was greeted by... no one. In fact, no one even glanced my way. The room felt friendly, but everyone kept to their personal groups. The bulletins were a box, open to being taken, but not distributed by any member of the congregation.

Community: Once the church filled up (and only a couple of latecomers that snuck in after the on-time start), there were around 125 people present. A mix of older folks, families with young children and a sprinkle of the 20s/30s crowd. Diversely speaking, I counted four African American people and one Asian person; the rest were Caucasian.

Music: A mix of well-acquainted hymns and unfamiliar, yet scripture-specific, melodies were performed by a dedicated band of five. Guitar, keys, flute and percussion made up the musical ensemble and it was especially heartwarming to see an old friend on drums.

Service: My favorite part of this service was that you could follow along, word for word, in their bulletin. The call & response, the psalms, even The Creed of Saint Athanasius (holy long-and-fairly-confusing-old-school-prayer, batman). It was an easy-flowing mix of prayer, songs, communion and readings.

Message: I couldn't seem to connect to the message. The Assistant Pastor was entertaining and authentic, yet I couldn't hear where God might be talking to me. Then he reflected on a time in his life, as a teenager, where he was "broken by the inability to be perfect." He said, night after night, he thought, "I'm just gonna quit. Jesus, I love you, and I think you're great, but I'm tired of wasting your time and I'm never going to be perfect."

I didn't even hear the end-of-sermon-summary, in which the leader usually instructs the eager crowd on the how-to-fix-it method du jour. Instead, I felt the heaviness of his memory take shape as my current state of mind. The words played over in my head, 'I'm tired of wasting your time,' yet slowly morphed into a song with similar phrasing:

"I don't mind you coming here and wasting all my time." 

If I am, indeed, wasting His time, perhaps if I keep showing up and pushing forward, He doesn't mind? And perhaps, He is also a Cars fan.

Denomination:  Church of the Redeemer was formed as a mission congregation of the Anglican Province of Rwanda. On April of this year, Redeemer announced that they would be joining the ACNA (Anglican Church in North America). Anglicans are in full communion with the Church of England, though when some settled in North America, changed their name to "Episcopalians" in order to avoid persecution during the Revolutionary War.

Overall:  I love that all the churches I've gone to are someone's home. I love that community is built and lives are shared and that I can drop by for a visit. This is probably not a place I would call home for myself, but more like a good friend's mother's house.


Contact:

920 Caldwell Lane
Nashville, TN   37204
www.redeemernashville.net
Facebook page


Reflections on the Journey Thus Far: Even though I didn't get the complete relief I craved this weekend, I think I did get just what I needed. Which is kind of the point, right?

One More Thing: Jordan and I checked out the newest addition to the 12th South neighborhood, Urban Grub. I was enchanted by it's nature-full patio and seemingly four mini restaurants combined into one. I'm already a big fan & I can't wait for Peanut to come back so I can get the official foodie review!

One of my favorite things about this week's church friend (and the list is LONG), is that Jordan is also a touring friend, though she is on the performer side. While waiting for our delicious brunch, I noticed we both had leftover stamps on our hands from the previous night's adventures out on the town. She gave me confirmation that you can go out to a bar Saturday night AND go to church Sunday morning. You don't have to be an either/or girl -- you can actually love God and have fun too!

However, we may need to search for better soap....