Tiny morsels of hope / encouragement / last ditch attempts at living a full life are just what I need to get me through this life. Hell, this day.
A friend I suggested I hear the TED talk by Brené Brown about vulnerability. So far, I've watched or listened to it four times. And each time, I hear a nugget that seems to speak to me in the exact moment I'm in. As a point of reference, the first time I heard it, I was standing on my back patio, nursing my second (or third) beer of the night, when she said "The problem is... you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, 'here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these. I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.'" Not to turn into a complete case study, I do want to point out there were no banana nut muffins in site.
Brené is a researcher (Ph.D., LMSW / research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work) and a story teller. In this short but powerful 20 minute piece, she breaks it down very simply:
1. connection is why we're here
2. shame is the fear of disconnection
3. under shame is excruciating vulnerability
In her research, she found people who live whole-heartedly were the ones who lived vulnerably and had the courage to make mistakes. They have a strong sense of love & belonging & connection, because they believed they were worthy of it. That was the only thing separating those who felt it and those who struggled with it.
She continues: "vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love."
Living vulnerably? Making mistakes? Feeling worthy? I think I'd rather find that banana nut muffin. Or, maybe if I listen one (or 10) more time, I, too, might believe I am worthy of it.