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Valley Village, CA: (From the Daring Greatly Blog Read-Along - Pages 18 – 31 (Chapter 1))
As much as I love Brené’s style & the way she talks, she
is first and foremost a researcher. So it was bound to eventually happen: she
was going to use techie terms and ultra intelligent language to explain her
research. In the process, I would find myself zoning out a bit and feeling like
I’m not smart enough to understand what she was describing…
Which is a perfect segue into Chapter 1: Sarcity: looking inside our culture of ‘never
enough.’
I think throughout our lives, we go through periods where we
believe that one thing is holding us
back from real happiness. If I were smarter,
if I were thinner, if I were better….
Which then boils down to I’m not enough... because I'm lacking the whatever-that-secret-happiness-tool.
WHAT I HEARD:
Brené answered
six readers’ questions about scarcity /
enough-ness (if that is a word). One of them, in particular, spoke directly
about that mysterious and magical thing that would make life perfect… if I had it or could
just do it.
Question:
“How can I
say ‘I’m enough’ if I am consciously not following through
on the things that
make me enough?”
She responds: “in order to facilitate change, we have to
start in a place of liking who we are. We can’t say ‘I’m enough… when I start following through on the things that I
promise to do.’ That makes our worthiness contingent on things.
I have to believe I’m worthy or enough every day – sometimes
every hour – especially when I’m in a shit-storm of shame.
We have to think of worthiness as a birthright. We have to
believe we’re enough now… and that’s
where change comes from.”
So you're saying I'm enough right
now?
After a long day, with makeup off, hair up, too many late night chocolates eaten, not enough (or any) workouts complete, a few poor decisions made, multiple plans ignored and a seemingly endless list of 'to do's' and unread emails in my inbox?
This might take some time.
WHAT I READ:
Despite having to re-read Chapter One a few times, just to
make sure I could fully grasp the researcher’s commentary, Brené got to the
core of my personal scarcity scare.
She writes:
“I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary. I see the
fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be loveable, to
belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose.”
Bingo.
Sometimes, I fear I am “too hot” (and not like
THAT kinda hot)
– or in this case, I fear that
I am too
much:
Too religious / too serious /
too boring / too heavy / too good.
Then I fear I am “too cold” (and I’m in LA, so it’s not like
THAT kinda cold) – or in this case, I fear
I
am not enough: Not religious enough / not interesting enough / not pretty enough / not relaxed enough / not good enough.
To be “just right” – or in this case, to live wholeheartedly, Brené says, we must “face uncertainty,
exposure and emotional risks, knowing that I am enough.” Plus, it’s not just a one-time
quick fix. She points out, “it takes awareness, commitment and work… every
single day.”
I need to start working from a place of feeling enough just as I am, right now. To stop "should-ing" on myself for the things I haven't done or have done too much. To believe that living a full, wholehearted, life means I am worthy and lovable in this very second.
To feel "just right," even if I have to read this fairy tale over and over again
every.
single.
freaking.
day.
