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Asheville, NC: I thought the last Sunday of 2012 would be the appropriate day to write my final blog on The Great Church Search. At the beginning of the year, I began a journey that took me to different churches in different denominations. I wanted to see how people of other faiths viewed God and personally experience their worship styles. Each Sunday that I was in Nashville (and not traveling that day), I attended a different church and reviewed it on my blog... a la restaurant-review style.
For this particular experiment, I attended 21 different churches which spanned over a variety of denominations: United Methodist, United Church of Christ, Presbyterian, World Changers Church International, Episcopal, Catholic, Southern Baptist Convention, Anglican, Unitarian Universalist, Jehovah's Witness, Baptist Peace Fellowship of America, Science of Mind, The Gospel Coalition and Non-Denominational.
Last Sunday, I was in Nashville, but instead of going to a church, I invited everyone* who was a part of The Great Church Search to my house for coffee (or tea) and conversation. And to wrap up the end of the year-long project.
*sadly, I overlooked inviting one person from the Search and am deeply sorry for the mistake. Bill - hope you can forgive me. I plan on making up for it with a free breakfast... and 10 Hail Mary's.
Since my dear friend,
Peanut, actually asked to join me on this adventure at the beginning of the year -- and since she's a professional touring chef -- I called to ask her expert opinion on the snack options. I was thinking coffee and some cookies. She said she would whip up a few additional things.*
Cut to a complete 'high tea' spread: with both savory (Cucumber and Boursin sandwiches... with the crusts cut off, Taragon Chicken Salad Sandwiches and Quiche) AND sweet (Raspberry Jam Cakes, Chocolate Cinnamon Scones, Crumbly Coffee Cake and Key Lime Tarts).
Oh yeah, she also brought the box of cookies like I suggested.
*Peanut - you are truly amazing. Thank you again for doing this. And for being awesome.
Of the friends I invited, 11 were able to make it, despite holiday plans and previous commitments. One thing I had kind of forgotten about, was the fact that -- minus a couple of exceptions -- I knew everyone, but no one knew each other. A few people joked that they were surprised I didn't have name tags... which I had actually thought of, but didn't want anyone to feel funny wearing. With the permission to offer a little organization to the group, I whipped up some name tags... sans religious affiliation.
For the next two hours, some of my dearest friends from various upbringings, affiliations and places in life, shared stories of their faith. There were many nuggets of wisdom and grace, room for laughter and tears, and a open space where people could share their stories and experiences.
As I look back on the year, reflect on the Search and last Sunday's conversation, I came up with 10 things that I've either learned or were confirmed, and sum up my experience as a whole:
1) Faith / religion is a very personal matter. No matter what religious affiliation you associate yourself with (or don't associate with, for that matter), the personal relationship between you and God is just that -- personal. What is in your heart and your head and what you choose to do with your thoughts and actions really only concerns you and God. Regardless of others' opinions or organization's standards.
2) Going to church doesn’t make you any better. Neither does not going. I have met a lot of people who go to church every Sunday, but seem to lead a different type of life the other six days of the week. I have also met a lot of people who inspire me to be a better person by their actions, and have no church connection. I like to think we can be defined by the sum of all of our actions and whether we go to a church regularly doesn't necessarily mean we're better people. And not going to a church regularly doesn't necessarily mean we're not-as-good people.
3) All denominations are very similar. I reviewed each church using the following criteria: aesthetics, greeting, community, music, service, message and denomination. I noticed that although each church had it's unique 'thing,' (be it a beautiful building or an amazing choir or a powerful sermon), the one common thread between each religious group was the community. Most everyone I encountered at any given church looked like they were a part of that family. And it seemed like they genuinely wanted to be there. (Or at least they faked it really well.)
4) Everyone has (even churches) off days. No one church is perfect. Perhaps the certain Sunday I attended a certain church, they may have had a visiting pastor. Or their choir director / worship leader had a cold. Or the certain sermon I heard didn't sit well. I know I can't make an overall judgement about an entire denomination by one experience of one particular church. I am grateful when people don't judge me by one meeting, so I extend the same grace to all of the denominations and churches I encountered.
5) I will always be Catholic. I have always identified myself as Catholic. Granted, over the last several years, I have been
lapsed, though I have never strayed from working on my relationship with God. To me, being Catholic is the same as being Polish... or American... or a female. It is part of what defines me and can help others understand where I came from. I don't agree with everything the Catholic church teaches and have issues with some of its history (and current history in the making), but after visiting a multitude of different denominations, I can say that being Catholic is part of who I am. Whether or not I go back to being a
practicing Catholic is yet to be seen.
6) I want to WANT to go. My time is precious. And although my relationship with God is also precious, if I am going to give up a coveted hour on a Sunday morning, I want to go somewhere that inspires me and challenges me and makes me move (my heart AND my feet). As interesting as all of the churches that I visited in Nashville, I don't think I found one in particular during the Search that really grabbed ahold of me and made me want to go regularly. Ironically, when I was in Los Angeles for Easter this year, I attended the service of the church I used to go to when I lived in the area previously. Since I have been back in Los Angeles this fall (and when my schedule allows), I find myself going to St. Agatha's on Sunday mornings not out of obligation, but rather, out of desire.
7) The term “Christian” is not as scary anymore. Specifically, while living in the South, I have been hesitant to label myself as a Christian. I've always associated the term with over-the-top evangelicals or radical extremists. I have heard had bible verses used as weapons and people excusing their poor choices "in the name of Jesus." However, from the people I've interacted with during this Search (and throughout my less-organized journey of life), I've come to realize the most simple definition of being a Christian is someone who tries to follow the teachings of Jesus. And the greatest commandment that Jesus taught was to love God and love others. If that's what being a Christian means, then you can call me one who is really trying to do her best.
8) The best gift? The connection and conversation with others. When I started this quest, I figured I would be spending a lot of Sunday mornings alone in different churches, then writing about the experience -- alone, at different coffee shops. What happened was that when I put my intention into the world, people from all areas of my life invited me to their churches and wanted to have conversation about their beliefs. Better than any actual church service were the discussions following and the shared reflection on the experience as a whole.
9) It’s out on the table. Now you know. God is really important to me. Faith is really important to me. This journey of trying to figure it out, trying to work through it, tripping, falling and getting back up to try again... THIS is what my life is about. In case I didn't say it before or didn't say it loud enough -- here it is. This is me.
10) Then again, maybe I’m wrong. What the hell do I know? And, with all due respect, what the hell do you know? Who knows, maybe this is it and when we die, we go into the ground. The end. None of us knows for sure and we won't find out until the end of our life. But I choose to believe that when my time comes, it'll just be me and God. Not my religious affiliation or my church community... just the one-on-one relationship that I'm trying really hard to get right. So, I'm going to keep seeking, keep growing and keep loving as best as I can.
To tie in the other project I worked on this past year, Brené Brown said:
"Daring Greatly means finding our own path
and respecting what the search looks like for other folks."
I am grateful to everyone who made this such a memorable experience. Be it going to church with me, engaging in conversation and even to those who questioned my writings -- thank you for making me look deeper, question harder and pray even more.
I leave you with one spiritual revelation I can take away from this journey. In the words of that other Journey, don't stop believin'....
