Valley Village, CA (From the Daring Greatly Blog Read-Along - Pages 172 - 183 (Chapter 5))
Chapter 5 of Brené Brown’s book Daring Greatly is called Minding The Gap. Which was exciting to me because a) I love London, b) I have a photo of the “Mind The Gap” sign that I could post here and c) it was 48 pages LESS than Chapter 4. Which has nothing to do with “minding the gap,” specifically, but was a huge relief to me since last chapter was a little overwhelming and slowed me down a bit on my own blog read-along.
WHAT I READ
Regarding the title of the chapter, Brené explains: “Minding the gap is daring strategy. We have to pay attention to the space between where we’re actually standing and where we want to be. We don't have to be perfect, just engaged and committed to aligning values with action.”
What I find interesting -- and almost hard to comprehend -- is the notion that where I want to be doesn’t have to be perfect.
I’m a self-proclaimed perfectionist. I try hard to do and be the best at everything I attempt. But if I come up short, I don’t just shrug my shoulders and think ‘better luck next time,’ I go to the extreme and beat myself up. For the mistakes, for the falling short, for the disappointing others – it seems as though the aftermath of perfect-failing-action-or-event is worth than coming up short itself.
WHAT I HEARD
Brené agrees: “Part of the perfectionism and scarcity myth in the culture is not only DO perfect, but also BE perfect, LOOK perfect, LIVE perfect, but make it look effortless.”
Both in the book and in the podcast, Brené talks about discovering where we want to be and how we go about getting to that place.
She says: “to me, the idea of honing in and figuring out our aspirational values is really about what brings joy, what brings tranquility and what makes me feel right and true in my own skin.”
Nowhere in that statement does she say that we should try to attain perfect. Of course, we should always try hard to do our best, but the goal of being perfect is simply too much for anyone to attain.
The dictionary describes perfect as “entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings” and “exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose.” I can tell you right now that despite all my best attempts to be the best employee or friend or daughter – if I strive for perfect, I will always come up short and let others down.
Perhaps changing my goal of “doing everything perfect” to “doing what brings me joy and feeling true in my own skin” will help me close in on the gap between where I am now and where I want to be.
I just realized now that writing "I’m Perfect" is the same thing as writing "imperfect."
Which is pretty perfect.
